Friday, July 16

I should have learned

the first time, that after five months of pregnancy, I'm not allowed to do anything. Everything that can be done, will, in fact, turn into something that has nothing to do with my original intention. And I will be drawn into a downward spiral of hormone-driven nesting that would make only a crazy person proud.

Exhibit 1:
It's WAY too hot to do anything here except go to the pool. However, I decided that today we would get up and venture to Costco. After expending all my lacking pregnancy energy and getting both the groceries and the two year old back into the house, I then had to put away the groceries. Which meant that I had to organize the pantry. And then vacuum the floor under the shelves. And then (since I was already at it and it had been on my list for like 5 minutes) vacuum out the drawers. And then, if I hadn't stopped myself, I would have moved on to the blinds. Because, come on, no one likes to see the dust that's accumulated on top of every single of of those flat surfaces. I'm hoping the urge to clean those will just go away.

Exhibit 2:
I was trying to paint my toenails. I was sitting on the floor. I looked over and noticed the baseboards STILL needed to be repainted from when we had our floors redone in Jan. I'd already purchased the paint so I decided to just go ahead and get started... it didn't seem to matter that I could hardly get to the ground, let alone spend more than five minutes there, trying to fix something that didn't matter. So after I had finished painting one wall, I realized that the baseboards were very dirty. So before I could go on I had to wipe them all down. And while I was wiping them down in the bathroom, I realized that I hadn't wiped around the base of the toilet in a long time... and on it went until I got every pressing issue completed.

Exhibit 3:
June of 2008 I had this baby. And now this baby has lots of poopy diapers that she likes to take off by herself. And since I had this baby, and she takes off her diapers, and the diapers don't hold poo when they're being flung around like a dead lizard in a cat's mouth (don't ask about that one), I got to clean up the scattered poo. And then, since I was occupied with the fecal incident, the child wanted to keep herself busy, and so she headed to the bathroom. And in the bathroom, she found all the fun things, that make wonderful, hard-to-clean messes, just for mommy...

And then, somewhere I decided it would be a good idea to have a second child. It's like the ultimate continuation of a never-ending project. I've been seriously considering how to get my full-time mom position to a part-time one. Do you think someone would be willing to fire me? Please? Just for a minute. Or two weeks. Or until I'm not pregnant anymore.

And speaking of not being pregnant. Who decided ten months was the necessary gestational time? How about eight? That way I can be done next week and I can get back to being the only one responsible for my weight gain (or loss as I hope it will be) and I won't be quite as hot and my boobs won't be overflowing out of a bra that I absolutely REFUSE to replace for the last two months of pregnancy, never to wear again. And I won't have to watch my belly button disappear and it won't feel like my lungs have shriveled into the size of peas and they can only hold enough air to make it up three steps, not a whole flight. And I won't even mind having a baby and a two-year old because I won't be nesting because I won't be pregnant. And that would be nice.


Julianne said...

You make mw laugh.

Jack and Annie said...

Hey gestation could be two years like the elephant! But hey your ticker says you are 31 weeks! Almost there...maybe you'll go early :)

Chelsi Ritter said...

hahaha. stephanie you are hilarious, and i can so relate. it's hard for me to just stop and relax when i see so many things i could be doing around the house while aspen sleeps. but if i don't rest, then when poor eric gets home and wants to relax i get frustrated because there i am fixing dinner and what's he doing sitting down when i haven't sat down all day, etc! anyway, about the crib to bed thing. with aspen we made it a big deal that she was going to be sleeping in a big girl bed. eric's parents had an extra twin that they gave us, and when they came and helped us put it together it was a special night because it was her first night in her new bed (you get the idea - just make it a big deal). anyway, she was really good about not getting out of her bed for a while, and we had no problems. but sometimes when she wants to play instead of sleep i either close the door so she stays in her room and plays (if i don't mind her playing before she collapses on the floor), or i redirect her to her bed a couple times before she gets it. anyway, good luck!