Friday, September 5

Jealous Much?

Tyler and I were married 4 years before I got pregnant with Eliot. Everytime one of my friends would get pregnant, although I really was so happy for them, I felt jealous. I wanted a baby of my own. That kind of jealousy can be understood, right?

So why is it that I felt jealous as I was looking at my facebook page yesterday and noticed that several people had just given birth? It can't be that they have a baby and I don't- because I do now. Is it because their babies are cuter than mine? No, my baby is the cutest ever (except for all of your babies who are equally cute, I'm sure :) Is it because their babies are smaller than mine? That could be it although I didn't like the really little baby stage. I much prefer a smiley baby. So what is this jealousy?

The only baby that I can understand why I'm jealous is the one that belongs to the boy I had a crush on all through high school. Again, I'm happy for him and his wife. I'm still a little urked that he didn't fall head over heels in love with me (I mean, come on, what's wrong with him? I'm AWESOME!) but I got the perfect man for me. But I still don't really LOVE seeing this crush having babies. I think the jealousy toward the crush is understandable but why am I jealous of my good friend and her baby? Maybe I got so used to feeling jealous that I'm still working through it.

I do have to say that my jealousy is fading thanks to my wonderful daughter. Today I joined a gym and was able to work out for an hour and a half. It was fantastic! I took Eliot to the Kids Klub (aren't they so clever with that second K?) where she was watched the whole time. The babysitter lady (what do you call her?) even held her for like 45 mins. I don't even do that. The whole time I was gone, Eliot didn't cry once. Yes, I have the easiest baby!!! And, for the cherry on top, she fell asleep on the way home and has been asleep since. I'm sure it's because she knew that I needed some time to post on my blog.


Bethany said...

Whenever I go to the hospital, for whatever reason, I make it a point to visit the maternity ward and look in the nursery window. And I get emotional seeing new life.

And I feel sad that my babies will never be that new again (I did this even when Kiana was two weeks old). And I feel pain that I may very likely never get to experience that joy ever again. Those brief moments of new baby are just a special, horrible, amazing, and unsurpassible; so special and personal that I want to hold my experience close and secretly wish that I am the only one in the world who gets to experience it.

By the way, did you ever get that blasted package?

merathon said...

the "kids klubs" of the world have saved my life! they make me a much happier mommy!

email me at merathon at gmail dot com and i'll send you my address.

Shauni said...

Steph- I just found your blog and it's so great to hear from you- your thoughts and feelings and realizations-as we're going through the same thing together. I'm realizing how much I miss you.

Chelsi & Eric said...

way to go, stephanie! i'm loving the gym thing. it's just something that a post-pregnant woman has to have available to her. it's what keeps me sane, and slim. anyway, i'm so glad that you got a membership!

Logan and Emily said...

I put your bracelet on my blog with your site. Thank you so much! We love it!