Thursday, August 21

I'm a bit sad. I knew that after having Eliot my body was going to change. People say I look good for just having had a baby. I don't want to look good for having had a baby... I just want to look good.

Before pregnancy, I was in great shape. I worked so hard at the gym that I accepted my body as it was. I knew what was fixable and what was just my body. We were friends. I realize now that I was content with myself because I looked good.

I'm about the same size I was before baby. All my clothes still fit. I suppose that is something to be grateful for. But, things are different. I'm just not as toned as I was. I'm willing and ready to get to the gym and work as hard as I did before but as luck would have it, we can't afford a gym membership. That's why I feel so frustrated. I'm watching myself change to something I don't recognize and although I'm willing to do what's necessary to fix it, I can't.

I know that the gym isn't the only place that I could get back in shape but it's what I know. It's too stinkin' hot here to run outside (unless I go at 4am but it just doesn't work when I'm up at night doing feedings), and I'm not coordinated enough to do workout tapes, and although I do lift weights at home, I don't have weights that are heavy enough and to by ones that would work would cost more than a month of gym membership.

Oh, I know there are ways to fix this. I know that eventually I will fix this. It's just an interesting change that I didn't know would affect me so much. The stretch marks wouldn't even bother me if they were on rock-hard abs :)

look at those arms.

look at those clavicles.


Bethany said...

ohhh! i know how you feel! i only like to work out at the gym too.

my sister in law started working at Gold's day care center to pay for her membership. They let her take her kids to work (even babies). She works, then excercises while the other day care workers watch her kids. plus, it's a great way to get out of the house and heat.

i am considering the option myself.

I am sure you look great now, but you are right, you have always had an amazing body... naturally. Give it a few months (or a year) before you start to worry.

Just Us said...

I thought I would never get back to normal.  I gained over 60 pounds with Alayna.  But it was fine - it was all gone in about 9 months. As long as you stay active and eat healthy, the weight really does come off.  Stretch marks stay though. dang. Check out freecycle and craigs list for weights.  I got 2 exercise balls, a step, and an ab machine on freecycle.

Jack and Annie said...

Dude totally know how you feel. I am working on getting toned myself....although the treadmill helps to show the muscle better. I 2nd craigslist, that is where we got our treadmill and hope to get an elliptical too down the road.

Logan and Emily said...

We can't afford a membership either. So I have been getting trial memberships at all the local gyms. So far I've had a gym to work out at for free for almost the last two months. Sadly, next week my last one runs out! Maybe you could do that for a little while. Oh and every time I lift weights, I still do what you taught me! You were the best personal trainer ever. AND every time I see a guy checking out a girl in her spanky pants I laugh because I remember how you wanted to get a glove with a big fat ring on it! Miss you!

Chelsi & Eric said...

amen sister! i hate just having to "accept" the fact that my body has changed. no way! i talked eric into letting me get a gym membership (even though we really can't afford one either) and am going to start doing weights like crazy. i hope it works, or i might just never have another child.